I am not a morning person at all…..and so when my eyes pop open at 5:45 a.m. and I am wide awake, I choose to believe it’s the Lord.  So, as I laid there this morning, I began to just pray.   As I prayed, my heart began to stir.  When Jeremy got up he said, “what are you doing up so early?”  I said, “I’ve got to write a blog!”  And here I am, in my favorite spot on our back porch sharing with you.  I am going to step into a little bit of very personal things to Jeremy and I’s heart.  I believe that is what the Lord has asked me to do today and so because of that, I believe someone out here needed to hear this.  So, walk with me into a glimpse of our hearts…..

Occasionally Jeremy and I find ourselves in a conversation about our stuff. {Stuff meaning the part of our journey we’ve been on these last two years} Yesterday was one of those days.  These conversations have evolved over time where at first they were filled with overwhelming heartbreak, sometimes anger, and a lot of hurt to tenderness, joy and much much hope.  We were sitting at lunch and I was sharing with Jeremy a conversation I had at church yesterday morning.  Someone had come up and asked me a question pertaining to our stuff.  So, as I was sharing this with Jeremy it spurred us into an even deeper conversation on the topic.  {This is where I am going to share with you something that we don’t share very often.}  Part of going through something so devastating is the ripple effects.  Ripple effects are almost like the aftershock so to speak.  One of those ripple effects is changes in relationships, specifically friendships.  I have shared before that we lost friendships through this.  Several in fact.  But, let me be very transparent here and tell you that Jeremy and I both still struggle here. I have one friend in particular that I lost that still leaves me brokenhearted at times.  Jeremy has one friend in particular that he lost that still leaves him brokenhearted at times.  Why do I tell you this?  For a few reasons, but most important to let you know how important it is to remain tenderhearted when it’s easy to allow your heart to harden.  Remember me sharing that ‘hope’ thing with you?  This is one of those things we still hope for after two years.  We don’t share this often because most times people say, “give up.”  OR “They weren’t your real friend anyway” OR  “Just move on” and so on.  And I get it.  Yet, deep in our hearts we can’t do that.  We love these people, we pray for these people and we hope for these people.  Maybe we are crazy, I don’t know?  But, what I do know is that what I have seen resolved, redeemed and restored in the last two years is nothing short of an incredible God’s work and so I will not give up hope on things still broken.  I believe in what Psalm 27:13-14 says that “I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”  I will continue to “wait for the Lord, being strong and taking heart.  Waiting for the Lord.”

So, I share with you this short story today to tell you that this little tender heart secret Jeremy and I keep tucked away with hope remaining is because of the confidence we have in a big God and not in ourselves.  Friend, the Lord restored Jeremy and I to a place in our lives I couldn’t have dreamed of being.  Because of that, we believe fully that our Lord knows no bounds and can redeem and resolve anything.  So, sweet friend hold onto hope and keep your heart clear of hardness.  It is so important for our hearts to remain tender to the Lord as He works in His perfect timing, not our desired timing.

More than anyone in the situation we were in, Jeremy could have hardened his heart immediately.  Yet, from day one, even through heart shattering hurt, his heart remained tender to what the Lord was going to do.  As we sat yesterday ending our conversation, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “more than anything that breaks our hearts Dawn,  while I  wouldn’t wish the hurt I felt at the beginning of all this on my worst enemy, I wouldn’t take it back because of where we are today.

Oh, I love this man and his tender heart.  Remain tender and don’t give up hope today friend.

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”  Psalm 27: 13-14