This is something I have been praying for, for a long time. I asked Jeremy to consider writing a blog because I thought people could be encouraged hearing from him. His first response was, “I can’t write. I’m not good at that stuff.” I told him that I just wanted him to share his part of the story and to please pray over it. I left it at that. Well, today I opened my email and here it was asking for help with wording and grammar. He decided to share his heart with you. While this was tough for me to read, I know it came straight from his heart and it is my honor to share it with you. And so here it is, Jeremy’s first blog post:
Forgiveness is something I have always felt I’ve been able to do pretty easy. It was the way I was raised and then coming to know the Lord I knew that I needed to forgive people because I was forgiven through Jesus Christ. Over these past 2 years it’s something that I truly had to rely on to make it through the day sometimes. The pain and hurt that I went through is something I don’t wish on my worst enemy. I remember the day my world came crashing down in front of me. I came home thinking everything was fine. Then, I remember my mother-in-law coming over and Dawn talking with her in the kitchen. She then said to the boys “lets go for a ride and go see what Grandad is doing at the house” and they quickly left. I didn’t know she was coming over, it caught me by surprise and when I looked at Dawns face I could tell something was wrong. She asked me to come into the living room and sit down because she had to talk with me about something. I could feel my stomach start to drop and cramp up. I was probably the most scared in that moment that I have ever been. I knew something wasn’t right but couldn’t fathom what it was. In my mind, I was trying to think back on that day and even a couple of days back trying to figure out what I could have done to make her so upset that the boys needed to go away for us to talk. I remember the expression on her face when she said those words, “I had an affair.” I couldn’t believe it because I didn’t think it would ever happen to me. I am a very loyal person and probably to a fault so it was hard to believe that someone I loved and would die for could betray me in such a way and with a friend of mine at that. I just remember over the next couple of days just lying on the floor crying uncontrollably and the pain that was going through my body I can’t even explain what that was like. The emotions I went through is something I will never forget. But, the freedom and blessing I have received by God for forgiving both her and the other person is more powerful than words can express. Even more, the freedom in forgiving someone, even though an apology was never given, I can’t even explain. Unfortunately, I have never received an apology from the man. I point that out because you need to understand that even when you don’t get what you ‘think’ you need or deserve, you still have to be obedient and do what Scripture calls us to do. That is to forgive. Christ didn’t deserve to die, nor did we deserve His forgiveness. But He still did and we still got it. It’s only through Jesus Christ I am able to do it. Being able to forgive a person and or persons that betrayed my trust and love for them was something that took me awhile to truly and wholly do even for me. For something that normally comes easy for me, it didn’t this time. Yet, I did it through the strength of my God because it is what I am commanded to do in Scripture.
It is very important to forgive so you can move forward with your life and not let anger and sadness and bitterness take control. It would be very easy to give in to those feelings of hurt and anger, use them as an excuse or as leverage but that would mean keeping myself in chains and not living in the freedom of the Cross. I choose not to live like that. I know forgiveness doesn’t come easy for many, so I pray that if it’s not easy for you to forgive, that God would give you a peace about it and the power to do it. Know that Jesus died on the cross for you and forgave your sins so in return we have to forgive others no matter what the situation. My situation was just about as bad as it could get. Yet, I chose forgiveness. And because I chose that, Dawn and I are mended. I love her with my whole heart. I trust her completely. I know that the Lord is using us for Him. This is a result of obedience and living out the Gospel.
“This, then, is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:9-15
This picture was taken last week at Sea World while we were on vacation in Florida. This picture is full of smiles and fun because this in fact was one of the coolest experiences we have ever done. In the words of my son Kaden, “I love dolphins now!” But what you don’t see in this picture is the heartache I was feeling from getting a call just an hour before this excursion saying my Grandmother had a stroke and had passed away. Also, in this picture behind the smiles is the excruciating pain Jeremy was in that landed us in the hospital that afternoon. It was such a bizarre day that I even sat through the Shamu show crying under my sunglasses! What in the world? I kept telling Jeremy we could go because I knew how much pain he was in; he insisted on staying because he didn’t want to ruin this for the boys. Yet, by late afternoon the boys could sense their Daddy’s pain and told us that “it was okay if we needed to go, they knew Dad was not feeling well.” Can I say I am so thankful these sweet boys are like their Daddy? Such tender hearts! So, Jeremy ended up getting admitted into the hospital in Orlando for a night. After getting him settled in the hospital, I went back to our resort to get myself and the boys settled for the night and to start trying to get flights changed to come home early for my Grandmother’s funeral. Then realized that I couldn’t do that yet because I didn’t know when Jeremy was getting out of the hospital. So, I then laid in the bed by myself quietly weeping over the chaos of the day; the heartbreak of losing my grandmother and Jeremy having to be admitted to the hospital and thinking “Geez, this was supposed to be vacation?!?!” And then I hit reset on my thinking.
Sometimes I wonder how I even made it through that week. I knew for a week’s time that I was going to have to confess to Jeremy. I just had to wait for him to get home from a trip to tell him. One night that week found me laying on the bathroom floor trying to get even a minutes sleep in between waiting for the heaves over the toilet to subside. My entire being was distraught thinking about the fact that I may be days away from losing my husband, my children, basically my life as I knew it because of my choices. Sin destroys you spiritually, mentally and sometimes even physically. Confession and surrender redeems you entirely.
a girl who met grace 